Episode 5: How to Be Sober for the Holidays


It's that time of year again! The holidays are here and it's bringing all the holiday cheer and reminders of using and beer. So, how do you keep away from alcohol and drugs during the holidays?

Kaila and Kiki discuss the details of their holiday party experiences, though it didn't really require a special time of the year to party. Kiki also discusses some boozing experiences while she was on the road with the band during the holidays. They'll also talk about what it's like during the holidays sober, and give some insightful tips on how to stay sober during the holidays this year.

In this episode, they'll discuss:

  • On the road during the holidays: how life was like living like a rockstar on the most special times of the years
  • Surviving a dental appointment right after a night of partying during Thanksgiving
  • Why New Year's actually sucks 
  • Tips on how to stay sober during the holidays

Show Transcript

Kaila: Hey what's up. Its Kaila and Kiki and we are back with From Hell to Wellness. And today we are talking about sober for the holiday, or staying sober for the holidays, which can be really challenging for people especially if they are newly sober. So we wanted to discuss our experience being sober, or not during the holidays. and also some tips on how you can best remain sober during the holidays.

Kiki: Whenever I think of holidays I always think eggnog, you know or any type of like Turkey, what's that Wild Turkey whiskey. I used to drink that so much, I don't know the proof limit is like a hundred or something. A lot of college kids will drink it and pretty much ultimately it's like the drink that's going to get you messed up. And holidays you know there is a lot of times where you have to deal with families, and family are like- I love my family but sometimes my family, not necessarily my family-family but my extended family can be really annoying. And like many people's family are not easy to deal with.

Kaila: Definitely, I mean I love my family and I think we are both really blessed to have not alcoholic parents, but a lot of I guess alcoholics and drug addicts come from a lineage of alcoholism. So going back is kind of like going back to the source. So definitely family members that are untreated, alcoholics and such can be triggering for people.

Kiki: And for me I'm like I am an alcoholic and I don't want to be around annoying family members, do you know what I mean?

Kaila: And it really helps to have that lubricant to make everybody seems.

Kiki: Amazing.

Kaila: Yes.

Kiki: Have you ever gone to like a family holiday like on drugs?

Kaila: I don't think I have honestly. My drug use during the holidays is definitely New Year's based. So it's like the first time I was sober during New Year's was kind of horrible, but I have got to tell you something, I've never had a good New Year. I feel like New Years is so stupid because you have to like, you hype it up and it's like oh it's supposed to be this amazing party day, and it's always disappointing. And there has been a number of times but I will get into it later where I scored fake E. And there was one time I thought I was going to die coming into the New Year's.

Kiki: That's terrible.

Kaila: I don't even celebrate New Year’s anymore because I am just like an old lady, and I'm like I go to bed at 9 or 10 so New Year's is like way past my bedtime.

Kiki: That's really true though in a way - look I feel like New Years is a year, or a celebration where people just want to have an excuse to get pretty fucked up. And I was totally guilty of that, like most of my holiday planning was like okay what type of drink am I going to get, what type of alcohol am I going to get. And especially New Year's it was always like make sure there's like going to the right parties, making sure that you could stay over the night when you crash and you are hungover, like making sure, you know there was planning that was based around boobs. So definitely these days to, and as well as if you are so used to drinking on the holidays. It's probably really tough to transition as a sober person.

Kaila: Yes, I mean I feel like sober New Year's now. I mean I want to start the New Year's like with a boom, and not with a hungover or trying to recover for the first week of the new year. Because the new year is all about fresh start, not like story of hangovers and high that's like the worst. I feel like that's a bad omen like that's a bad karma to start off the year.

Kiki: For sure. And then like for some reason there's something that just, so we continue as alcoholics or as drug users. We continue to do it every single year, knowing the fact that it's going to fucking suck but you do it anyways. And that was me, I was like well I know this is going to hurt and I know it's going to start off bad, I know that it's a shitload of calories I'm going to lose, and I am still going to drink like 17 drinks tonight, get hungover and throw-up, wake up and drink another beer.

Kaila: I am not a big drinker, but I can't even imagine drinking 17 glasses of water, you know like 17 alcoholic drinks.

Kiki: It blows my mind, like I feel like okay maybe I was really hydrated for the wrong reasons, but yes it's insane the amount that I used to drink of anything. And your mind just like lets you and allows you to consumed mass amounts of garbage essentially.

Kaila: So you've toured during the holidays right I don't think I have ever toured. I remember when Bucky, our old tour manager tried to make us toured during the holidays, and you freaked out about the icy road. That was like the big thing, the icy road you were concerned of.

Kiki: Well I am paranoid - okay everyone knows that I was so paranoid about driving in a car, like probably because I was always fucking wasted, so I could never like be in a sense where like if I had the drive, I would be fucking wasted and not be able to drive the car back to safety.

Kaila: Why would you have to drive; I don't feel like we ever drove on [5:27].

Kiki: We didn't but like just in case and then also.

Kaila: It's either the seven people and you are the one and me being there.

Kiki: No, it was like I honestly.

Kaila: But in truth I am a terrible driver, sober or not I think I am some stereotype. So you actually don't want me driving a van with like a million people inside.

Kiki: We like Asian girls driving is a real thing, it's a real thing like my car has all of these thing but your car used to have a shitload of things.

Kaila: Oh my God, my ex-boyfriend had a theory he was white, he was like oh I think it's because your eyes are slanted, and I was like I know you are not racist but that seems kind of racist, but it kind of makes some sense.

Kiki: Well if you think about it, if you had slanted eyes, which our eyes are more wide, you would have more peripheral vision so he's wrong.

Kaila: Okay totally debunk his racial theory.

Kiki: Yes, you've got like panoramic because I grew up with a lot of white people, and they didn't like were racist they just didn't know, you know when you are not exposed to a culture you just don't know. So I am used to like, so I would always be like panoramic vision.

Kaila: It's funny people saying racist things without knowing. I mean I was getting my eyelashes done once, and I guess this girl obviously never did Asian eyes before and she was like - and she didn't say it mean or anything, but she was like wow your eyes are so small.

Kiki: Oh my God, wait what race was she, not to be like a racist thing?

Kaila: I think she was Latina.

Kiki: Okay, I wonder like, well I guess in Los Angeles like Latinos and Asians are like really, really closely-knit, but maybe not I don't know maybe she just wasn't, like she never exposed to that. We have big eyes what the fuck.

Kaila: Well maybe not compared to a Latino or other ethnicity.

Kiki: That's crazy that's like honestly, I would have been kind of upset, I would have been like [7:34] but the thing is you just never know too. And it is kind of like one tool that I like to take for the holidays too - it's like when you are drinking or you're under the influence, you are kind of like always trying to be impulsive, so a lot of things are impulse. But now as I'm sober, like I realized that it takes like 5 seconds to kind of registered things. So like kind of what you did, you took 5 seconds and register and realize, well she's probably not racist she's just trying to understand the culture. 

Kaila: I am I snap back person I love to tell somebody off, but to be in fairness she didn't say it mean, and second of all I wouldn't have told her how because she was doing my freaking eyelashes in her hands and I don't fuck with that.

Kiki: Damn that's so funny like oh my gosh. I don't know like what it is do you feel, okay this is completely off topic. But do you feel like, do you have like a specific type of person that you go to get your hair done, this is so random?

Kaila: Or the personality?

Kiki: Yes, like a personality or someone that you trust. For me, I feel bad because I like to go to the Japanese girls because they like do really, really good hair, do you know what I mean, or is that racist I don't know.

Kaila: I mean it makes sense because you are Asian and obviously they are going to know Asian hair better. But I've got to say that one of my favourite hair stylist ever was - I don't know I think he was Latino, but he owns the salon so he was very good, but definitely I feel like the same ethnicity is going to understand your hair better.

Kiki: Right, so back to sobriety. I actually spent some time touring on Thanksgiving. That was actually the first time that I have ever toured in my life on a holiday. And like for me I am really, really traditional. I like to go back home on the holidays and be there, I don't know why.

Kaila: I am just such not a holiday person.

Kiki: I don't like the holidays necessarily, but I do really like my parents. Like my parents, I don't know why but I am super close to my parents they are like my best friends. So any time I get a bit of excuse to go back I will go back, like this is the first holiday that I actually spent away from my family so it was a pretty big deal. And we were on tour with The Misfits in a band called The She Demons. So we spent, that tour was like the craziest tour of my life. Like it was actually, we played like 34 freaking tour dates in like 40 days, it was fucking nuts.

Kaila: Didn't you guys not have showers or something I remember?

Kiki: We live in an RV we didn't have hotels, like occasionally they would. It was crazy like we would shower out the venues a lot.

Kaila: Do venues have shower?

Kiki: Yes, for that exact reason and they are not cute. The venue showers are not cute.

Kaila: Because they are like the musician dudes.

Kiki: Oh yes you have to wear sandals in there because you never know what's growing on the floor it's crazy. And then I eventually get used to it, and then I used to go into Starbucks bathrooms and buy a coffee, and freaking wash my face with paper towel and their hand soap.

Kaila: But I am going to ask a horrible question, but like girls never number two or anything like I have never done that in my life, but how did that happened?

Kiki: Oh girl that's a good question, so we were on an RV right. So there actually is a bathroom on the RV but it's only [11:11] is not going to fly like you just can't. And then the container that hold the septic tank was broken, so it just like went out.

Kaila: [11:24].

Kiki: No, it was so bad like I have to sell this story and then I will talk about the drug thing. But one time we were pulled over at a gas station and we never knew where we were. We are pulled over at a gas station, and our driver Tommy was the nicest guy ever, sweetheart like the best. But all of us we drink like shit-load, like I drink so much I didn't even know where the fuck I was.

Kaila: Was there anybody sober on this entire tour?

Kiki: Yes, our drummer was the sober girl. Oh my gosh I forgot about her we should interview her, but she's sober, she has been sober since she's 21 and she was 30 on the trip, so she has been sober for a long time. So she was just looking at us like you are fucking crazy - well mostly me, everyone else is pretty chilled. But anyway after a night of partying someone went to go pee, but there is a rule though if it stopped you cannot pee because it will.

Kaila: And then it will just go.

Kiki: Exactly, and poor Tommy.

Kaila: But what if it stopped - I guess you will just go into the wild?

Kiki: Yes, you would go into the wild, or you would just kind of have to make it work.

Kaila: Oh my God that's horrible. I am really-really - I need to go to the bathroom a lot I have a small bladder, and I am so sensitive about like peeing, like we glam one without the - I mean remember when we were in Peru and we were glamping, and the toilet wasn't that far but it was freezing cold and pitch-black, and like getting out of the cold tent in the middle of the night with my altitude sickness and like this crying donkey in the wild. Do you know like when a donkey is crying like something was killing it, but it was just like probably saying hello to his friend, so it sounds like it was dying? So I was like I am never glamping again, because I need to have convenient bathroom situations.

Kiki: That was crazy though, that was legit like scary to leave the tent at 3 a.m. for sure, and it was fucking cold. It was like less than freezing but if it rains it probably would have snows that day.

Kaila: Like all we had was these hot water heaters, and wow they worked really well.

Kiki: I felt like if it was a cartoon, it would be like this little happy like warm flame.

Kaila: That's the most wonderful thing, but then you have to get out of your wonderful cocoon to go out into the freezing pitch-dark bathroom, when animals running through.

Kiki: They were literally like unleashed, and like tame animal but they didn't have like kennels or anything. 

Kaila: And they were screaming.

Kiki: Wait how many times did you get up?

Kaila: I was also having altitude sickness, so I was feeling nauseous so it wasn't just like going to the bathroom, but I went twice which is way too much for one night for sure.

Kiki: Yes, but we ended up like someone peed on Tommy.

Kaila: But wait what was Tommy doing, just sitting right under the?

Kiki: He was getting gas but the thing is right next to the gas stand. So Tommy screamed and everyone wake up and we are like what happened, and he's like someone peed.

Kaila: Who was the culprit?

Kiki: I actually don't know; I don't know what to say I feel bad. If it was me I would have totally let you guys know but it was not me.

Kaila: So I am assuming this person just forgot?

Kiki: Well I guess we were so fucking hungover, like oh my God we drink so much on that tour.

Kaila: Wait what if you have to throw up?

Kiki: Bag, and you have got to hold it.

Kaila: But I mean I am assuming people did.

Kiki: I don't know actually; I think we were just such bad alcoholics - I did not throw up that entire tour.

Kaila: Well you see you said the other day how you were like needed to throw up and you just did it immediately. I never understood that, because it's like why can't you people hold, like you know when people throw up in taxes or whatever I never understood it, because I have never been that drunk I think. Because I'm always like why can't you hold it for like enough to open the window.

Kiki: No, no, no it is like pure impulse like it will come out of your mouth and projectile like bad, bad, bad. Like I have thrown up at least a thousand times in my life probably at this point, because I used to just get drunk and then throw up and it was a normal thing. Like I just knew the throw up was going to come, but we didn't throw up on that tour I don't know how.

Kaila: Is throwing up enjoyable in alcohol?

Kiki: Fuck no, it feels like somebody is literally stabbing you from the inside out, your throat is on fire, your head is pounding and your face gets like - well mine does it gets like really swollen when I throw up.

Kaila: Well I actually threw up once on E. The thing about throwing up on E is once you throw up you fucking you start rolling. So throwing up isn't horrible, like throwing up normally is like horrifying, like it's something that I avoid doing at all cost, but I just thrown up like a handful of times. I remember I was like - and I forgot the name of the venue but it was in Riverside and there was like a thousand people in there and I was walking, I was like oh I need to throw up. And I just like turned over and threw up against the wall and kept walking and I was like, oh and I'm starting to roll.

Kiki: No way I wonder why?

Kaila: I guess well, I am sure like the food in your stomach like gets in the way of, I don't know it's totally an unscientific theory of mine, but once you get rid of the food maybe the E can run through the bloodstream better, unless you'd be throwing up a part of the E.

Kiki: Weird that's so crazy. I don't know about you guys but for me drinking is always one on one with throwing up, and like that's the tricky part too it's like when you start becoming like a massive alcoholic, and you start drinking with your family. And like my parents are like the best, like I really love my parents and I want them to think the best of me, but I have also been like not the best in terms of my alcoholism. 

So like one time I got really messed up, this is bad, this is bad. It is like post-Thanksgiving. It was after Thanksgiving and I got really, really, really drunk. And what happened was like me and my parents go to bed really early, they don't really drink. And then I would invite friends over and then we would play card the game and then we would drink, drink, drink. 

And then when you are drinking with your friends you just drink, drink until like 5 a.m. And I had a fucking dental appointment the next day, and this is so bad I am just like totally remembering this right now. Dental appointment the next day, like I am going to the dentist because my dad was a dentist. So he has like this whole network of connection of dentist so he knows that they are legit.

And dentist can be really sketchy so make sure that your dentist is legit people, you've got to be careful out there. It's a very real thing like people, yes dude it's real like my dad said that people, and especially regular dentist that aren't like specialist, they will kind of look for a reason to give you a dental.

Kaila: Like an Auto person who I tell a girl [18:24]?

Kiki: Because what happens is people are taking better care of their teeth these days, like toothpaste is getting better so there's no need. It's insane like before there was a need for it, so now they are looking for excuses.

Kaila: Well like the fact that they are pulling out stuff that doesn't need to be hold out.

Kiki: Not necessarily like they could be salvaged, so you have to be very, very careful. And then in Korea it's like crazy it's nuts too, it's the whole thing guys so be careful out there with your dental work because it's legit. So I go to this place up in [18:50] and it's my fucking parent’s family friend and they are like Koreans, and they are super like really good church people and they play golf. And I am like okay so I always show up as I do I never bail, which is problematic sometimes. I go there and I threw up in their fucking bathroom twice. I smelt like the dog died.

Kaila: Yes, especially I mean it's one thing we have experienced someone smelling like alcohol, but like your mouth is open, I guess you are wearing a face mask so they can't smell it.

Kiki: Oh my God I really hope that face mask did its duty because the entire time I was holding back not throwing up, and it was like an entire Dental Care, and my mouth open dying.

Kaila: And your project out into the dental chair.

Kiki: I could have I really could have because I threw up after the procedure too. It was terrible, my mom was so embarrassed and she was so mad at me. She didn't say anything until after like years later.

Kaila: Oh wait so they told her?

Kiki: No she could just tell because I was stunk and I was dying oh god, but yeah terrible.

Kaila: So on tour, were you on tour during Thanksgiving in the holidays and what did you guys do?

Kiki: Well we drink and we weren't supposed to drink, that was the crazy part, like we weren't really supposed to drink.

Kaila: Wait were the Misfits not drinking?

Kiki: No they don't drink.

Kaila: Oh are they sober.

Kiki: Yes, they are really actually chilled dudes like they are so mellow and we were the crazy ones. I mean I think they have just gone through everything.

Kaila: So I feel like a lot of rock musicians, obviously they are not sober their first time around but you know after they are doing their reunions tours they are usually sober by that time.

Kiki: Yes, and it's crazy because like Jerry, you think that they are like really, really crazy but they didn't drink and then they didn't want us to drink. Jerry says he was a lot older than us and he liked wanted us to be more.

Kaila: You can't really expect a bunch of 20-year musicians not to drink that's ridiculous.

Kiki: That was what I said. So I made it happen - anyway I don't want to get into the details. He basically called me out and said that I was alcoholic, which is true and that was the first time.

Kaila: And he's like what do you mean?

Kiki: Yes, and it's like I am not alcoholic I am like I like to drink, but I was like well maybe I am yes okay. I was like touché, touché. 

Kaila: Yes, but it's like what musician isn't. I mean you are not the norm if you are not an alcoholic addict.

Kiki: Exactly, and I think he just wanted like the standard that we had to live through, like I get where he's coming from now.

Kaila: But you guys didn't have to sign sobriety contracts or anything like that?

Kiki: Oh hell no, he was just like oh God no I wouldn't, honestly at that point in my life I probably would not have done it because I was so ingrained in booze at the time. But yes I got fucking wasted on Thanksgiving, he did let us drink on Thanksgiving.

Kaila: Wait, so if he let you guys drink. Were you guys just secretly drinking otherwise?

Kiki: I bought a Jack Daniels bottle that was the size of my torso. And I had it hidden in my clothes.

Kaila: Wait, what were you wearing.

Kiki: No, no not in my clothes, like in my drawer of clothes.

Kaila: But how long did that last for?

Kiki: We had to buy more because we bought that Jack Daniels bottle and then we bought some more at some random store, I honestly can't even, it's so hard to remember.

Kaila: Don't the venues all, or did he not allow it, because usually the venues when you are playing they like supply you with as much alcohol as you like.

Kiki: It's so much different than the way we tour, because we didn't have access, we couldn't be out in public before the show because it's more like, it was kind of cut off so you can't really go out, and we were just kind of like backstage the entire time.

Kaila: Yes, but usually in the Green Room has.

Kiki: Yes, but they didn't allow alcohol in there so they were pretty strict. It wasn't like crazy, crazy 100% like sobriety but he was trying to endorse that we didn't drink. Rightfully so, I mean I always showed up and I always do what I am supposed to do, but I definitely got fucked up like hard-core. And then you do stupid shit, like most people think oh it's fine everything is good you know, you are fine but you wake up and you think what the fuck did I do and your brain started filling in all of those gaps. Did you ever blackout and stuff when you were doing drugs?

Kaila: I blocked out a couple of times, I guess a fair amount of times, not on drugs obviously coke doesn't make you black out, and E doesn't really make you blackout, but Ambien sure does. So yes Ambien was kind of my thing.

Kiki: How long did you take Ambien for?

Kaila: I mean I never took it consistently, but you know when you are doing coke you want something to prevent you from coming down. So I used to intermittently for years.

Kiki: Were you like prescribed it, or was it something that you got?

Kaila: It's so easy to get Ambien, I have sleeping problems - that's a problem they just prescribe it so easily.

Kiki: So you were prescribed it?

Kaila: Yes, I mean I legitimately could get it I mean you know I have sleeping problems, not anything extreme not insomnia, but you know some nights I don't fall asleep the whole time, so that's enough to get you Ambien.

Kiki: It's crazy like how easy it is to get any type of drug that could essentially be used recreationally from a doctor, you know this is stuff that literally you could be giving to your children people, and like you could just get it - like Adderall, that shit is like your kids take that thing you know it's crazy. 

Kaila: It's crazy. So what do you guys do during Thanksgiving?

Kiki: So Thanksgiving, like we just got hammered. So that was the one night that we can kind of like loose, so all of us went to this bar.

Kaila: So you guys didn't have like a Thanksgiving dinner, like at a restaurant or something?

Kiki: No. It was like Thanksgiving dinner at a bar, and then they had like cheeseburgers it was so weird, it was really weird.

Kaila: I mean there is plenty of restaurants I think if they made the effort to have a full Thanksgiving dinner. 

Kiki: Yes, but I think it's because he wanted to pay for it, and then there is probably like 30 people in our group. So it would be kind of expensive to do something super nice. So he's just like well let's just buy like rounds and stuff.

Kaila: How is food taking care of, do you guys get a per diem per day.

Kiki: That's a good question. So we had a per diem, and we were paid well for that tour to be honest it was pretty legit. And I was so dumb back then I had no money management it was really stupid, like I was so stupid, but you are young and stupid what can you do. But like food it was awesome because we would have a writer each show.

Kaila: So you could get any food you wanted?

Kiki: Anything we wanted but all of us was like pretty mellow about what we chose, but we had enough stuff, like we had you know bread to make sandwiches.

Kaila: Okay so it wasn't like when we toured in Hawaii, and really not having tons of food and like just really horrible?

Kiki: No we did eat and then because we got paid pretty well on that tour, all of us could kind of afford to go to Starbucks. And I was stupid I had Starbucks every day. And think about it, 30 days of Starbucks is like 6 bucks a day.

Kaila: Did they not have like a coffee maker on the RV?

Kiki: They didn't have it, but that would have been really smart actually - like there's all of these things that like as I get older I am like oh fuck, you can save so much money here and you could save so much money there, but at the time like whoa you know I am going to be a rock star and it just died very quickly. But we got hammered on Thanksgiving, and it wasn't anything like super, super crazy but it was cool, it was like a moment of relief because he actually was like okay everyone can drink and then we just got really, really drunk. 

There was one time I actually and I think it must have been the same night. I got so wasted, or maybe not that same night. But there was another time where he lets us unleash and we got drunk and I fucking lost my wallet. 

Kaila: You have a habit of losing, or getting your wallet stolen, or not having wallets on tour.

Kiki: The first time holy fuck that was the worst day of my life. We put our stuff in the green room where it's supposed to be safe, and those fucking people went in - and again there was no one guarding it, that was the worst show. Do you remember the show where they had to cut us off half-way through because the sound went off and everybody left?

Everybody fucking walked away there was not a single soul out there half way through our set because we sounded like shit. Oh my God I have never had that happened in my life, and then as that's happening Somebody fucking went backstage and stole our wallet, only me and Kath though and that was like the third day of the tour. And I wasn't actually, well I was relatively sober on that show - relatively that's probably why I lost my shit but yes that was the first time - the second time my wallet got stolen but Jerry found it and grabbed it. It didn't get stolen it was just left on the table and I just walked away, and then he grabbed it and he was like hey and I am like oh fuck here we go again, but yes it's crazy. 

Kaila: Where were you guys touring at?

Kiki: I actually don't know to be honest, like that's the problem about alcohol it's like you just don't remember anything. You don't remember where you are - half of the stories I had to like refresh my memory from Alicia because, I mean she was drinking a little bit but she wasn't as nearly as drunk as me. So she would tell me stuff and I'd be like oh fuck I don't even remember that happen, it was terrible.

Kaila: But where is the vicinity, was it in the states?

Kiki: It was somewhere like in the Midwest, like Kentucky or somewhere like that for sure, pretty much where we rained.

Kaila: Okay yes so back to the holidays being a really hard time for people sober or not. I would actually advise if you are thinking of getting sober maybe wait until after the holiday it's just easier. The holiday is just getting newly sober, you know it's just a couple of weeks until January 1st, which I think is a really good time because everybody is all going to be cheering you on for your New Year's resolution. I am pretty sober during the holidays anyway. I think like doing drugs around my family is a bad thing, so I have always been pretty sober during the holiday.

Kiki: Did you ever have anyone in your family that were like not sober, like that one Uncle who is just always drunk or something like that.

Kaila: No it's in my family Gene I think that we can drink very much on either side of the family. So I barely do not have any alcoholism at all in any of my family that I pinpoint to - so like why the hell do I have it, because literally not an aunt uncle, grand or great-grandfather that I can name.

Kiki: Holy shit that's amazing.

Kaila: So I am starting it for the line. What was it like the first time being sober during the holidays?

Kiki: Well the good part is that I got sober early in the year. So I got sober on February 1st, so like usually there's not all the crazy holidays. The 4th of July was the first holiday.

Kaila: Cinco de Mayo.

Kiki: Oh Cinco de Mayo, I never do Cinco de Mayo really, but the 4th of July was the first freaking holiday that I really felt it. Because every 4th of July I've partied the hardest of my life for some inexplicable reason, but prior to 4th of July was the worst. That was probably one of the first times that I was like I need to really stop.

We partied for 3 days straight on the 4th of July, so we were like 3rd of July, 4th of July and the 5th of July. And then I didn't come until the evening of the 5th of July. It was the worst; it was the worst thing. And then so like that 4th of July compared to being sober, it was like whoa like I actually don't even remember what we did.

Kaila: Yes, what did you guys even do because drinking being like an integral?

Kiki: I went home; I went back to Sacramento so it was easier. Did you do drugs on the 4th of July? 

Kaila: I mean I didn't really need a holiday to do it, it was just like every weekend. So I don't never remember really 4th of July standing out for anything it wasn't a thing. I mean I really feel like I am a big eater so the 4th of July was like big eating holiday for me. I don't even remember ever even celebrating the 4th of July really, it hasn't been significant for me.

Kiki: We were on tour on the 4th of July, do you remember that day?

Kaila: I don't remember that day, but I think we were playing at that same show where you guys got your wallet stolen.

Kiki: Same show but that was the good year.

Kaila: I don't remember too much about it; except wow the crowd was so amazing.

Kiki: They was so nice and it was huge.

Kaila: It's funny because when we were going to Ohio you were so worried about racism, you were like oh they are going to be racist and we are going to encounter racism, and we encountered zero racism.

Kiki: That was so amazing. And it's crazy how your perspective just changed instantly like that. Do you remember we got like, I was drinking heavily do you remember that I guess not? There is a picture of me and Kath and we would have like cups.

Kaila: Wait, do you have that to put it in the show notes, or are you going to add that?

Kiki: I have to find that I will have to add that into the show notes. I would like double fisting like some kind of jacket Danielle’s and we were fucking wasted and then we got rained on. This was the second tour - oh wait no it wasn't the second tour it was definitely the first tour because I had blond hair.

Kaila: Yes, I remember when you had blond hair and it was like there are too many blondes in this building, that's what I thought to myself like this is a lot of blond Asian.

Kiki: [33:37] there was a lot though I mean there was all three of us. The only person that wasn't blond was Jamie, even Tyler was blond.

Kaila: Oh my God Tyler. There was a guy or friend on the tour who just run around shirtless in red short the whole time for no inexplicable reason.

Kiki: No inexplicable reason and he's completely sober, never drink in his entire life, crazy I don't know how people could - if he drinks or did drugs he would be a fucking bat-shit, he would be so crazy.

Kaila: But see I have never remembered you being wasted, because you were always like coherent enough you never seemed like you were like, you were never like mumbling, you know you were always like able to you were coherent.

Kiki: That's what's freaky and I think that's why I was able to drink so much. But like 4th of July, that was for sure one of the hardest times to be sober I think. And like mine is the first time I was sober with my family but last year or this year whatever. This last 4th of July was the first time that I experienced like a friend's gathering sober, and it was fucking weird. Like it's crazy how early you want to go to sleep when you are sober.

Kaila: Oh my God one hour of talks of like going out I am just come in and show my face and say hello to everybody and gone.

Kiki: And then bye, exactly and we went on - the 4th of July went on for 4 hours and I thought it was going on for literally like 10. Everyone is so nice and I love them all but I was like this is so wrong, and they wanted to keep going.

Kaila: Yes, I feel like the thing with coke and why you can easily do it through the night, is there is like such a ritual to it. It's like hey okay so like the person is sitting there cutting it and then everyone is just kind of staring, and then everyone like passes around and then people would have, apparently seemingly meaningful conversations. And then it would be time again and you would cut it up, it was like this whole ritual. Or if you are at a club you are like it is time to go to the bathroom, and it was so disgusting, you would do the coke if you didn't have like a compact or something, people would just do it off the top of.

Kiki: The seat?

Kaila: Not the seat but the top of the toilet - no big deal. I remember I had, there was this really cold cigarette Parliament I think. Parliament has the little - well they had the whole, and maybe it's not Parliament. But like the cigarette back had like a hole in it and you could put coke in it.

Kiki: No way that's crazy, I have never heard of that.

Kaila: I have to find the name of that cigarette, I don't know if they have it anymore.

Kiki: Everyone who is like listening that does coke is going to be like wow give me those cigarettes.

Kaila: Well probably people who are doing coke do not want to listen to this podcast. But yes we actually want to give some tips on how to be sober during the holidays. We have talked about our experiences being drunk and our experiences being sober, but if it's your first time being sober and you need some tips to get through, we have some for you. So first of all this is one I've used before. 

If you have a really difficult family you don't have to stay with them in the house, especially if there's a lot of drinking and triggering happening. Like find an Airbnb or hotel or something so that you can get just a little bit of distance, and you have somewhere like an escape hatch, somewhere to go. Another tip is to scope out your AA meetings in advance. 

So I have been to meetings all around the world, in Shanghai I actually snuck off to a meeting in Vietnam. And most of the meetings around are English-speaking because they are for the XPath's I guess. So you are able to find meetings all around the world and especially during the holidays. And here in LA they have marathon meetings on New Year's, so literally upon the hour there is a meeting. I think it might even go all night long. 

They choose like one meeting place and this is our Marathon room for the holidays and it just goes on. They are usually pretty packed because there are no other meetings taking place so if somebody needs to meeting their pop into there. The next step you can kind of avoid your party friends, like if you are going back to your hometown, maybe don't hit up your hard-core party friends that you partied with in high school.

Kiki: And your old dealer.

Kaila: When your dealer is your friend that's when you know that you might be an alcoholic or a drug addict. I actually went to a meeting in Ohio too.

Kiki: You did not.

Kaila: Yes, and Tyler took me in the truck. We snuck off and then I went to a meeting which was just fine. But oh my God I was so desperate for a meeting, I feel like I was nearly sober on that Ohio tour, and I was dying it was so difficult on that tour because that tour was like the first tour I have ever been on, and yes it was a difficult tour.

Kiki: Wow yes, the first sober tour, that's a good podcast episode.

Kaila: So also plan your exit, so you don't have to stay at a Holiday party you know all night long. I just like to pop in and make appearance, and especially if everyone is getting drunk nobody notices when you leave nobody is going to notice at all. And then have your response ready for pushy people. Those are the worst, like when you go somewhere and you are like being sober and you tell them you are sober and they don't understand. They are like oh it's just one it's no big deal.

Kiki: Oh my God I used to be that person, I am sorry guys.

Kaila: But usually you just say like I am alcoholic and that will stop them. But you know some people may not want to reveal that they are alcoholic, so you can just say.

Kiki: I am driving?

Kaila: Yes, I am driving or you could just, you know you could just say no thank you - I'm pregnant is a good one.

Kiki: Well then you've got to come up with an answer 9 months later.

Kaila: Or you don't have to say anything else, like no is complete answer too, you could just be like no thanks and then leave - go like oh I've got to go to the bathroom, I am going to grab a piece of turkey. Another technique if you have a sober body, which you would definitely should. 

So if you are getting sober you should definitely have friends, that maybe you find an AA or just your regular friends who support you getting sober, and you can book in, like hey I am going to stay at this party for an hour and then I will let you know when I get there and when I leave, so you know that you have an accountability.

Kiki: Well I could just text you. And you see that's amazing it's the best. So I have a couple suggestions as well. If you are at like a holiday party or something, and I know for how to call it's really, really hard. I always keep a drink in my hand like whether I'm drinking it or not.

Kaila: That's the best excuse you know and just say I have already got a drink. Nobody knows what's in your drink, everybody is going to be like what's in that drink.

Kiki: Yes, and the two ones I love together are Sprite and Coke, because Jack and Coke used to be my jam, and Sprite and vodka was my jam for a while. So you can just hold the Sprite, and it has bubbles in it so people aren't going to be like is that a water, you know they'll be like no that's my drink and then you just hold it always. And then also like for alcoholics, it helps you feel you know that need to hold sometime.

Kaila: Yes, like to feel a part of so you don't stand out.

Kiki: Yes, exactly and then another thing is, so I don't know how your family is and obviously not everyone is down, but suggest games instead so you can play card games. I just played Cards Against Humanity with my family. It was the most ridiculous and violent and also awesome game I have ever played in my life.

Kaila: I have never played it.

Kiki: Oh my God it's like super gruesome, but not like dead gruesome but it's like dirty. It was fucking funny my dad is so funny I didn't know he was that funny.

Kaila: Well it's funny I actually went with an ex-boyfriend you know, I would go to his family thing and nobody would drink, they would drink like likely. But they would play charades, and this is an ex-boyfriend you would not appear imagine to be able to.

Kiki: I want to know who it is?

Kaila: It's Justin, but like playing Charades with his family and I was like oh my God I don't want to have to do this.

Kiki: Did you do it?

Kaila: I had to, I couldn't be like well I am just going to sit this out. 

Kiki: Was it weird?

Kaila: It was weird I am really bad at charade because I am the odd one out like the new one, and everyone is like super, super encouraging. But he actually got into it and I am like what is this.

Kiki: That amazing I can't even imagine it. But it's also fun because it keeps you active and you are not like focusing on the fact that you are not drinking, and it passes a lot of time too. And then another thing is to adjust your attitude. I know this is really tough and I talk about this a lot on my Instagram lives and stuff, but your perspective is everything and if you change your mind to think that, you know let's say you have that grumpy ass uncle or someone you just don't like. I don't know why I am targeting Uncle I love all of my uncle's.

But like Uncle Aunt or whatever cousin, someone who is like super annoying that like makes you want to drink because you can't tolerate their noise or their voice or something I don't know. But just kind of a different perspective, perhaps they are grumpy because they are dealing with something, or perhaps you know every person is fighting their own battles, and they all have their own struggles. 

So if you take 5 Seconds to just kind of analyse the situation, and understand that person is going through something of their own, and they will be more understanding and change their perspective and look at them in a good way. It can really, really help deal with some of those stressors during the holiday or stressful people. And then another one is, if you like you have got to keep your hands busy a lot of the times, a lot of [44:24] their hands busy so go help in the kitchen, help cook and offer to come early if you need to. I know it sounds stressful but at the same time cooking can be really, really fun. 

Kaila: Cooking is fun. I think it's stressful if you are the cook to oversee it all, even though I don't find Thanksgiving to be that stressful, like people get all crazy about it, but I am like it is fun to cook and all you've got the not messed up is the turkey, anything else can be salvaged. It's just that the turkey takes a lot, but that's a fun activity to do.

Kiki: Yes, and you get to know your family members, and you just never know what comes out of it - so helping out in the kitchen. And then also again like I said be mindful and just take a couple of seconds to analyse, to really understand your situations and not react emotionally. - think what drinking first. Sometimes if you are so in a habit of drinking, like this last Thanksgiving there was wine everywhere and everyone was pouring the wine.

And suddenly I got this crazy urge like I need to pour out some wine, and I am like no I am going to go pour out more Nellies instead or something like that. And also if you want, there is nothing wrong with going to rehab or any type of rehabilitation program during the holidays. You can even have a family member donating some money instead of buying a gift, donating some money towards a program so it is optional too.

Kaila: I have never been to rehab but it does not sound like the most awful thing, like it sounds like it could be really great. Event today because you wake up and you do all of these like healthy things and you like go to a meeting and you go to therapy.

Kiki: And it's almost like a Wellness Retreat. And a lot of people that I have talked to that gone to rehab successfully have said that it is actually life-changing and very, very beneficial. Some people say it doesn't work but there is a way, you know everyone has a different way to recover.

Kaila: Yes, so that's our tip for getting sober for the holidays. And as always we are going to have a new episode next week every Thursday. And it really, really helps us if you subscribe and especially if you leave a comment, and we would love to hear from you about what you would like to hear in future episodes about any tips for sobriety, or any sober destinations or anything like that.

Kiki: So if you want to send us a question or a comment, or just want to say hello. Check out our website at fromhelltowellness.com, you can send us email or send me an email, we both read the same email at kiki@fromhelltowellness.com and we will catch you guys on the next episode, bye.




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