Episode 14: Valentine’s Day Episode – Being in a Relationship Sober

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It's Valentine's Day!

Well, the day before at least. 

This time of year can either be really amazing or really tricky to get through. Sure, chocolates, roses, and delicious dinner are fun and great. However, staying sober once all the "wine and dine" is over (literally) can be tricky.

Kaila and Kiki talk all about their experiences being in a relationship sober. From first dates to long-term relationships, they discuss some of their highs and lows about getting sober while being in a relationship and maintaining their sobriety throughout breakups and new love.

Here's a breakdown of what you can find in this episode:

  • How to keep your sober relationship going after it was based on partying and drinking
  • How to be sober and date someone who still drinks
  • The whole schpeel on sending saucy pics 
  • How to make your sober Valentine's Day the best yet

Show Transcript

Kaila: Hey what's up guys, it's Kaila and Kiki and you are listening to From Hell Wellness. It's February and we both had to cancel our trips to Asia. I had a fully booked trip to Chengdu China, which I have never been to before.

Kiki: That's with the pandas right?

Kaila: Yes, it was a day of pandas. It was a 3-day cruise, and we had to go and everything was fully booked. All of the hotels the flight and everything, and we had to go one-by-one and cancel every leg of everything.

Kiki: Were you able to get a refund?

Kaila: Yes, I mean I feel like it's pretty easy to refund anything from China now.

Kiki: Yes, because they understand. I actually also freaking booked a trip to Thailand, which we were like getting ready, we were training for because we were going to [0:50] and I am like no I'm so devastated, but we were supposed to fly through Beijing - so that was completely cancel. I had to call the Monday and figure out what the hell is going on and see if I can get my refund. But a big piece of advice people. "Do not buy the non-refundable hotels." Yes, you are going to get that 20% off, but in situations like this you are going to end up spending an arm and leg if you have to cancel.

Kaila: Well here is the thing, I think you can get them on your AMEX card which has travel insurance on it, where in case of disasters which this would qualify as, I think you would be able to get a refund if you had booked it on like your Chase Reserve, or one of those cards that come with travel insurance.

Kiki: So does the AmEx Platinum have it?

Kaila: Yes, I think so. I don't know for sure but you should look into it because they have travel insurance on anything that you purchase.

Kiki: Okay that's glorious.

Kaila: By the way I love those cards. So today we are talking about being in a relationship sober, because it is Valentine's Day I think tomorrow. I know you, we talked about dating before, you haven't dated much sober but your relationship currently is sober.

Kiki: Yes, I actually started out my relationship being a complete heavy drinker. It's like our relationships was based off of drinking. I couldn't even get on the phone and talk to him without being drunk because I was so nervous. Girl it was bad, like I used to have this like 99 Bananas liqueur was my Jammy-Jam. It's 99 prove banana liqueur, it's disgusting but glorious. And I used to drink that like at least three shots before I get on FaceTime to talk to him.

Kaila: You guys would talk on FaceTime?

Kiki: Yes.

Kaila: That's like my nightmare - was it because he was travelling?

Kiki: He was traveling he was on tour. So we FaceTime each other and I am like oh God I have to be drunk for this because I can't do it sober I am too nervous. So I drink every single time on FaceTime for like the first year of our relationship. It was bad.

Kaila: Were you still nervous after you guys already knew each other?

Kiki: Yes, because I think with before him I dated a bunch of guys that were younger than me, and I was only like 22 so they were like 19.

Kaila: You were 22 when you started dating Martin?

Kiki: Yes, I was a child isn't that crazy. But one of the reasons, so we dated for a year and then we broke up. And for me at the time I don't know if you remember - I was like I don't know why he broke up with me, and I was completely flabbergasted.

Kaila: Did he give a reason?

Kiki: No, he didn't.

Kaila: How did The Break-Up happen?

Kiki: Well basically what happened was.

Kaila: Oh I remember it was a crazy story.

Kiki: Yes, it was pretty gnarly. So like we got really drunk, and I used to have a lot of resentment which we are going to talk about in the future episodes about the way that I grew up. And it didn't have to do necessarily with my family but it had to do a lot with the environment. So I used to hide everything, like an Asian does like put all of their feelings inside, but when I got drunk I turn into what we call a Tornado Kiki. And the tornado Kiki is a nightmare. Did you guys ever witness tornado Kiki?

Kaila: No, but I have to tell you that one time you told me that you had a traumatic experience, where you were with a drug dealer and someone hands got cut off or something, and I was like this is weird. I didn't really believe it but I was like I don't understand.

Kiki: Just a day in the life. But yes I used to see like really psychotic things, I would go crazy and I want him to like. I'm not sure why but I basically had Unleashed Fury. And there was this one time that I fully regret - but I ripped a fire alarm off of the wall. So my roommate and I the next day after all of it happen, which I will tell you the story. we literally looked it up and it require a jackhammer to remove a fire alarm off of a wall.



I blacked out on it so I don't quite remember. But what happened that night was we got together, it was a bunch of people and I was still pretty young and a massive alcoholic. And we started drinking Jonathan which is my jam. I drink tons of Jonathan just straight from the bottle. Drinking, drinking, drinking and then things got a little crazy - I kept drinking and then I completely blocked out. Apparently I was rolling around and I had a dress on. I fell over the floor and the dress flew up, it was a disaster.

Kaila: Who told you this by the way like afterwards?

Kiki: Well I've got to find out and tell you - so I went downstairs and there was like a party downstairs I guess. So I just like walked into the party and didn't even know whose it was and just started talking to all of the people, like drinking their stuff but they are like who the fuck is this and they kicked me out.

Kaila: Are you serious, did they kick you out?

Kiki: Yes, it was like a warehouse party like outside of the building.

Kaila: But whoever kicks out a hot girl who comes in?

Kiki: I must have been that bad, I have been kicked out of multiple places it's crazy.

Kaila: So you are wandering around by myself at this point?

Kiki: Yes, I just started wandering about and he lost me and he was like where the fuck was you. So I just started going off, like at times on tour I used to do that all of the time just like leave, or like when I am drunk I'd just go on an adventure. And so later we got in a fight and this is where I blocked out completely because I did not remember ripping the fire alarm off. All I remember is I woke up the next day and Martin text me and he was like there was seven fire trucks at our apartment. We had to explain to the landlord that it was an accident. But apparently I ripped off the fire alarm and it was hanging by a wire.

Kaila: And then it went off?

Kiki: It went off because I broke it, I don't know what I did.

Kaila: Where were you at?

Kiki: I guess I woke back up at my house.

Kaila: So you got home somehow?

Kiki: Tyler came and pick me up because apparently - I actually talk to him yesterday and he reminded me of it when he came to pick me up and then drop me back off. But I was like I don't even remember, but he said when he came to pick me up I was eating the crap out of a porta potty. Anyway this is a very ugly situation. All I know is that somehow I ripped the fire alarm off the wall.

Kaila: So did they saw you do this _ I was going to say how can they confirm that it was you?

Kiki: I don't quite remember. I do remember him saying that the neighbour came out, and then I was apologizing to the neighbours saying that I don't know what happened this is so weird. And it was me the whole time like a fucking psycho. So we broke up after a year.

Kaila: So how did you break up?

Kiki: Well I had another night where I did another thing of Chaos. Not as intense but enough and he basically kicked me out of his house. That was really - like I get it he kicked me out of the house, but I was so drunk I couldn't go anywhere I had my car there, so I had to sit in my car for like 3 hours in Downtown LA when it was really, really ghetto. And it was pretty scary I parked like maybe a couple of blocks down the street.

Kaila: Why didn't you call Tyler?

Kiki: I don't know, actually I drove home it was like 6 a.m. so I waited out for about 4 hours.

Kaila: Well that's pretty responsible.

Kiki: Yes, I was very scared about driving, I didn't like drinking and driving at all.

Kaila: [9:09].

Kiki: Exactly, and then I thought he's going to call me tomorrow and everything is going to be fine. Weeks went by and no call, and then finally I got a call and he's like it's over. And I was like what the fuck I was like why.

Kaila: Were you calling him in between, or were you just waiting for him to call you?

Kiki: Well I texted him and he said he needed some space. So I gave him the space and I was like okay whatever I respect that. I thought everything was going to be fine, and I thought he just needed to just chill and I need to chill out, but he was just like it's done.

Kaila: Over a text?

Kiki: Over a text message and then over a call and that was pretty much it. And I was like what just happened and I was so confused, I was like why is this happening I don't understand. And he didn't speak to me, he was good he cut me off cold.

Kaila: Why doesn't he give an explanation is the question?

Kiki: I could have used one that's for sure. I don't know but I later found out because we got back together after a year - and that I was being a raging alcoholic as expected, but also during that period of time I realized that my actions, I had to take responsibility for my actions. You guys never saw the dark side of me because I only did it to people that I was in a relationship with, which is probably unfair I know that I did it for my ex's too. But you guys I was always positive and like good with the band. So that was one of the reasons why I was able to overcome some of the darker stuff that I did when I was drunk. Which did come back later on again a couple years later.

Kaila: What do you mean?

Kiki: And like the September before I finally quit. I realized I started losing my mind a little bit, like getting actual psychosis.

Kaila: What does that mean?

Kiki: Probably similar to whatever I was saying about the hands getting hot or whatever - like I just think that my brain is not supposed to be on anything, because I think you know like when people go in the streets and they actually like go crazy. I could easily be that person I feel like. It's dark but sobriety is a beautiful thing.

Kaila: Now these demons and stuff, do you feel like you've dealt with them?

Kiki: I honestly feel like I have so much more, because I actually have a clear mind now that I am sober, and I can see things better and I can understand the situation - really it's not that big of a deal. You just have a clear mind about stuff as you progress in sobriety and get older.

Kaila: I feel like dating is way better sober. There are some benefits to dating non-sober I guess because a cocktail definitely helps to loosen yourself up. I don't know if I talked about this, did I talked about this already. There was a year when I dated a bunch of people on Vicodin?

Kiki: No, I do think so.

Kaila: I can't remember at this point what I've talked about.

Kiki: Just go for it and then I will stop you.

Kaila: Okay, it's so interesting how it works like dating, because I feel like all of a sudden a bunch of guys will approach and then they won't. Like for example, this year I took a year of dating, like not really that specific but I got out of a one-year relationship that was right after a 5-year relationship, and I was like I need like alone time. And I thought well maybe I will take a break for a year, it that serious.



But nobody hit on me for an entire year and I was fine, like I actually like don't even know if I ever want to be in a relationship again it was so enjoyable. But the crazy thing is like 2-weeks before that year came up, like this guy started approaching aggressively. Like all of these guys appeared that did not exist for the entire year, so that's weird as hell.



So anyway there is a time like this like maybe before my long relationship. So I would say 7 to 8 years ago before I was sober where a bunch of guy’s approach at once. And then I don't know why I had a bunch of Vicodin, and I took it on a date, because you know how dates can be freaking awkward as hell, but with Vicodin dates are fun. But there was this one guy that I really had chemistry with out of all of these guys, and I thought it was totally meant to be because I met up with him. It was right before my long time ex because it was the one time I experimented with Tinder and I was like this shit is amazing - but you do have to swipe across. But it's like dating before that, I mean Millennial's don't even know dating before Tinder.

Kiki: I wonder [14:27] what it's like.

Kaila: Which is normal to them. I know at the office some of the 20-year-old that I work with, like Tinder is just what they do that's just what they do it's no big thing, or you know Facebook and Instagram. Before when I was growing up it was like you [14:44] on the internet. Anyway so I met up with this guy and he was like okay from the photo or whatever, but I met him and there was like chemistry instantly.



And then I didn't recognize him at all but he was like hi you know, I guess he recognized my name because my name is a little more unusual. And he is like yes I cast you in this video thing many years ago for this channel called Right TV where they were featuring girls. Him and his brother had this production company and they spent like a couple hours with me - I have no recollection, I mean I remember the video and like I have.

Kiki: Were you on Vicodin for the video?

Kaila: I wasn't but you know I was doing drugs. I wasn't high at that moment when I was shooting, but I was probably doing E on the weekend. So anyway I was like this is meant to be, like how much of a coincidence is this. So he is like a director producer who I guess I've dated several. So we go out, I don't know if I was on Vicodin the first, I probably was.



And then we went out for a second date to this really good sushi place, and I was on Vicodin again and it's great. And then he like precedes to tell me like yes I have cheat on every girlfriend I have been with. And because I was high on Vicodin I was like oh. So I don't know that date went fine or whatever, and we proceeded to go on a third date. But by the way like me now sober it would be like.



First of all, I would be calling him out after he said that, like what the fuck that's not okay and there would be no third date. But non-sober high on Vicodin me was like yes a third date sure why not. So the third date was so fucking weird, because the dates before that we went out to eat dinner, and then I think we went to a bar to get a drink, and then he is like let me cook you something. It was so weird I don't remember - but remind you I was high. But like we went to the grocery store and he bought some eggs and he made me an egg.

Kiki: One single solely egg I don't get it. What the fuck was he mean.

Kaila: I don't know but I ate it. Then we started making out a little bit and I just kept laughing and laughing because I don't know I found it hilarious, and then I was like I've got to go home. So he drove me home and right before he let me out of the car, he was like are you one of those girls who doesn't have sex until you are in a relationship. And I was like yes and he never called me again.

Kiki: You know; I just don't have sex with guys that makes me one single solid.

Kaila: But like if I was not on Vicodin I would not be on this third date, like waste of a very strange date with this guy.

Kiki: That's so crazy, why the egg it's so weird. Did he make himself an egg too?

Kaila: I don't think so.

Kiki: So he just made you one egg?

Kaila: Yes, I have no explanation for it but he was not high - unless he was secretly high like me. And does that work to get girls into bed or is it just an excuse to get me into the house but then could he, I mean it's so strange. Maybe all he knows how to make is eggs, where he is like let me cook for you. So anytime a guy says let me cook for you I am like no - I mean if it's like your boyfriend, but if it's early on dating I am like no you need to take me out to dinner.

Kiki: Unless he's attractive or something like that.

Kaila: No still he has to take me out to dinner, because here's the thing you don't go to the guy's house until like the 5th date or something because you don't want to set that - unless you just want to fuck him then go to his house and have a quickly. But if you are trying to actually date him you shouldn't be at his house because it's insinuating, plus if you are really attracted to him you just might be tempted.



But yes I mean my last two relationships I was sober. One time I was dating a sober person also -actually an alcoholic, a sober alcoholic, and the other time I was dating a not sober person and I think it works either way. Like both times I have no problem dating someone who drinks.

Kiki: Yes, tell me about that, what's that like?

Kaila: It's more about them if they are comfortable with it. Because when I was doing coke I didn't want to fucking hang around people who weren't high. But if you are someone who drinks comfortably and you don't need people to be drunk with you, then it's not really an issue.

Kiki: That's interesting, I am still kind of new to the sober world but I know that there is a lot - like a lot of sober people that don't like to be around drunk people, but I never got that vibe yet.

Kaila: It's one thing about drunk people or like people who drink, you know you get buzzed, because drunk people are inherently annoying, but like someone who is buzzed would be fun. One thing I do want to say and I have made this mistake, because I got into a long-term relationship with someone who is drinking. It eventually did bother me, not because of the drinking because the drinking seems to be alcoholic in nature.



But I got into that relationship really early into my sobriety, like within the first year or whatever but that's considered early. People actually recommend that you don't date your first year because you are kind of crazy, or like trying to like find yourself, but I did and it was okay and I feel like. I feel like I was amazing in that relationship most of the time.



I feel like I was a great girlfriend the first year, there was times when I wasn't. But like before sobriety I was just fucking crazy in relationships. Anything that happened I was like this does not working this is done, like that was always my immediate solution to any conflict, just to break up.

Kiki: Did you get back together?

Kaila: If he begs for it if not then - like I am really good at never talking to somebody again. Like here is the thing that I have noticed about guys and girls. I feel like girls fall in love quicker, but when a guy falls in love with a girl I feel like he has this special spot for her forever. Like all of my ex still come back periodically to be like hey how's it going, and I never contacted them ever. And I have seen that, I have some guy friends who were in love with some of my girlfriends. And they still to this day like 15 years later - the girl is married or something and they're like how's so and so doing, like they are all like nostalgic and stuff.

Kiki: You might have some really hot girlfriend.

Kaila: I do have hot girlfriends that's like a thing but still.

Kiki: Definitely, they have like names for it, where guys when you break up they are the first to break up, and then the first two weeks they are partying it out and the girl is all upset. And then one month the girl is already living her best life and the guy is all crying about it.

Kaila: I feel like when girls mentally done with a relationship. It's different if you get broken up but then you are like not ready for the relationship to be over, but if you are done I feel like a girl can just be like away forever.

Kiki: Exactly, maybe it has to do with nature. I was watching one of the nature documentary, and you know when like the guys they peruse the girl and the girl is like no, no, no and they are like okay fine.

Kaila: Well I feel like it's not like that these days. I feel like a guy pursues and then girls are like yes. Here is the thing, I do feel like males and female are equal in worth but we are different, we are not the same. Like we are not wired the same, we are not the same as guys so we have to act like woman. And I want my man to be fucking masculine, and I hope that he would want me to be feminine and not trying to act like him or whatever.

Kiki: It's a bizarre world I think now that doors have opened up more people are seeing like - they are trying to find themselves still and its mostly young people, and they are experimenting with different ways to act, and the internet allows them to just be like frivolously putting themselves out there. I just never got it for me personally I could not get done with that. A friend of mine said that a friend of his had sent a friendly photo. Okay this girl sends a picture of her with a big whole anal bead in her butt.

Kaila: What, were they together?

Kiki: It was just like a dating thing.

Kaila: So they are just dating?

Kiki: Yes.

Kaila: And they slept together?

Kiki: No not yet. It's like the equivalent of a guy sending a dick pic.

Kaila: Just of her ass with an anal bead?

Kiki: Yes.

Kaila: That just sound disgusting, I don't understand I am so confused.

Kiki: She's trying to turn the guy on.

Kaila: So this is like some guy that your friend receives this?

Kiki: Yes, he received it from a girl.

Kaila: And what was his reaction?

Kiki: He liked it he thought it was great.

Kaila: Well of course the guy is going to think it's great, but does he respect her, like he wants to fuck the shit out of her for sure, but does he want to make her his girlfriend?

Kiki: Likely not, but the psychology behind that - I think I never had it I missed it somewhere, like where they just want to like rapidly be super fucking slutty, that's just a thing that people live with - think about it, this girl had to set that shit up there was a whole fucking process.

Kaila: How do you even do that?

Kiki: There's a whole process that she has to make to send that.

Kaila: So did she send it on her own, like it was a selfie of it?

Kiki: I didn't see her, either way there must have been a lot of process. So there is a whole world of dating out there that everyone seems to have a different perspective from, but yes there was a lot of preconceived planning to that image.

Kaila: Well it's crazy because I've like done nude like Playboy and all of that. And I have no problem with like nudity but I never sent a nude photo to a guy, like I just somehow find that weird, and then if they date me I am really like no we are in a relationship before we have sex and blah, blah, blah like it's still very not wild, despite what photos may have you think.

Kiki: Well I think like for you it's like you are making money and that's our job it's a business. Versus your actual personal relationship, it's a completely different thing.

Kaila: Photos of your sexy, what are they called the sexy photos?

Kiki: Nudes.

Kaila: Which is normal for kids to send nudes to each other, I feel like it's an epidemic.

Kiki: Is that because of the cell phone pictures, or is that something that's been going on for years?

Kaila: I think it's because of the ease of it, and then plus like knowing that maybe the girls know that they are getting other pictures from other girls. So they feel like they need to live up to the other girls and everyone is like trying to.

Kiki: And plus with snapchat when things like disappear and stuff.

Kaila: Yes, but you just take a screenshot.

Kiki: But it shows a notification apparently if someone takes a screenshot. But who’s to say you can't delete it now it's already there. After it's all said and done I know we have talked about this a lot in the past about our relationships and stuff, but being sober in a relationship, I have got to say it's so much fucking better.



And we still only have like 1/4 of our relationship is based off of sober, but I am telling you that 1/4 of time has been 10 times better than it ever was in the 6 years of being fucked up. And it's so annoying too like obviously you can always look back and hindsight whatever is 2020, but I always wish I didn't have to go through all of that fucking terrible drunkenness to realize life could actually be okay just by not drinking.

Kaila: I think your kind of have to get that partying out the way.

Kiki: Yes, definitely and there is something about being sober that like it's kind of fucked up too at the same time, because when we got sober we had to basically re-date each other. We knew each other as drunk people and both of us are pretty introverted. Introverted like we don't like to talk about ourselves. You know it's like you can talk about ideas and you can talk about what happened in the day, but it's like when you start talking about feeling it's like a fucking weird thing. And like being sober is became really, really difficult to talk about your feelings I think. So that is definitely a tricky part that we are still probably overcoming.

Kaila: I don't know if that has to do with sobriety, I feel like people have difficulty talking about their feelings regardless.

Kiki: That's true, but when we were drunk though.

Kaila: You wouldn't even have to talk about it?

Kiki: Well it was a little bit easier.

Kaila: So you use to having the meaningful all night conversations that weren't actually meaningful.

Kiki: Yes, the ones that you can't even remember and you're like I think it meant something. So I was like you kind of basically have to relearn how to be in a relationship and you have to kind of like date each other. But I think one piece of advice if you are planning to get sober with a relationship that you've already been drunk with - is like find some kind of activity.



If you can keep yourself busy while you are doing stuff together, it kind of keeps the mind not so focused on having to think about the other person, or having to think about your feelings or things that are happening in the situation. You can actually put your mind in a different place. [30:58] Muay Thai but it was like the best thing for me because then we could like still go work out together and not have to face each other directly and have a conversation all of the time.

Kaila: Well I feel like what it's like being in a relationship sober, is that I am so comfortable in my skin now. So it's like just much easier to be myself, when before I was always really self-conscious, which is exhaustion when you are self-conscious because you are not even present because you are worrying about this man and what people think. And now I just don't care what anybody thinks at any time, so I feel like that's the power of sobriety.

Kiki: Definitely because I am still pretty new and I am still learning that, but it's definitely like it does help the quality of my life. I was just talking to a friend about this yesterday about what you said. Just like not really caring about what other people think, and also not surrounding yourself with people that you don't have to. Because when you are fucked up you want to get that higher and you want to get that alcohol fix. So you will be hanging out with whoever the fuck so you can get it you know, and I've had some like really weird friends.

Kaila: They're called Lower Beings.

Kiki: Definitely, like the Rats of LA. I was definitely probably the lower one, which I found out by the way. I didn't realize it but a lot of my friends ended up leaving me because I was a bad influence - isn't that crazy. I didn't know that I was a bad influence but I found that out later in my sobriety, that people are like we couldn't just hang out with you anymore because you guys were just too crazy it way too much. And I was like you are saying that because I thought they were The Crazy Ones.



I even remember someone added me on Instagram, you know we were friends and we partied a lot together. And then suddenly I was blocked and I was like what the fuck. I was just like hey girl why did you block me is everything okay. And then she's like I don't know that's so weird, and she got really weird about it.

Kaila: Why she had to block you couldn't she just like mute you, like I do that to a lot of people.

Kiki: Yes, you don't want to see their stuff which is completely fine, but I think she really didn't want to see mine and something went completely off.

Kaila: I imagine you must have done something when you're drunk that you don't remember?

Kiki: Honestly I must have. And then I asked all of my friends, I was like what's with so-and-so why isn't she being friends me and then they are like I don't know. And then I remember one time we were really fucked up and then I was just like why the hell is so-and-so man and you are like it's probably because she just doesn't fucking like you. But whatever the case maybe I lost a couple of friends down the line from being fucked up, and didn't even realize that I was the cause of the problem, so shit got real.

Kaila: I also feel like being sober helps you know what you want and ask for what you want, which like I just showed you when I went out on a third date with a guy who told me he cheated on every girl that he had been with. But obviously like a red glaring red flag.

Kiki: What's his angle in saying that?

Kaila: Why would he even say that, and for me like he said it and I was just like oh cool, we were talking about something else but if it were me now I would be like no, what the fuck is that about you know, but being high you just miss these things of course. But like the other day and I don't know what dating is like now, but I am pretty old-fashioned in some ways.



And then I was talking to this guy and he is like in Pasadena or something, and then he was like let's meet up or whatever. And I was like where should we meet up and he was like downtown, and I was like what you want me to meet you halfway, like aren't you supposed to come to me? But I told him that I was like well you are going to be like on my side. But anyways I don't know if I am just spoiled, but I am used to a guy coming and picking me up and taking me out.

Kiki: Well that's okay to have standard, if that's your jam then that's your jam, and if they are not willing to do that then it's not the right guy for you.

Kaila: But is that what people do now, they meet each other halfway?

Kiki: I don't even know - well what he can do, you can be like yes you can park your car halfway and then grab an Uber to my house.

Kaila: It's funny because I was talking to our friend Tyler and I was asking him this question. I was like hey is this normal, and he is like absolutely not. You guys taught me that girls don't like to drive. So whenever I go out with a girl, I either go and pick her up or I send her a car. I was like I didn't know you're listening, but I send out a high quality [36:25] back into the mix.

Kiki: That's amazing that's really good.

Kaila: That's beyond what I was asking about.

Kiki: That's what's up for sure. I just thought of this. Do you think that all of those guys started coming in at one point because your profile was on Tinder?

Kaila: No those guys started coming - well here is the thing. When guys started coming and then I start to kind of like one guy, but then I am like I need 100 guys so I don't get obsessed with this guy. So then I join Tinder to get more guys in the mix. I actually did it this time like that, there was some guys approaching and then I was on Facebook and I was like what's this Facebook dating, so I went on it for a week. There is a lot of crap to read through.

Kiki: Do you use swipe also?

Kaila: Yes, I was on it for a week and I was like enough.

Kiki: I think that's genius because Facebook collects so much data on people, it's basically like a data mine. eHarmony and all of that they use data and they use an algorithm to match people. Facebook could easily do that.

Kaila: And plus it has like mutual friends, but it's not very popular I read some article that said Facebook dating was not taking off. But when I was looking through there, there were mass amount of people.

Kiki: They should do that for Facebook job placements. Like using people's data and information to match them with the current job that they would be good at or whatever.

Kaila: There is a lot of power there with that data mining.

Kiki: Okay so one of the things that I like about testing your relationship, is seeing how well you can travel together - that's like always my big Jam. That's why we get along so well because we could travel. We travel anywhere in the fucking world, you can send us to Peru and we will get fucking sick but we will be there together.



But I think my relationship right now is pretty good because we are able to travel together and stuff, but there's like fun ways that you can go on a date by traveling. And I think if you are going to be sober and you're wanting to travel together. I think it's a good way to understand how your relationship can work, because you are changing the settings and you are giving yourself a new environment.



And you are also giving yourself activities to keep active with, so your mind is not fully in the place of just trying to force to talk to somebody because it can be a little bit nerve-wracking. So one place we wanted to go but it's cancelled now - is a Muay Thai vacation or like a sporting type of vacation. So at the vacation we will make sure that you cannot drink. You don't want to wake up hungover and try to go and fight somebody in like a hundred-degree weather and 99% humidity it's going to be painful. But they have multiple Muay Thai vacations in Thailand where you can look up. Some of them are for beginners. You did one right?

Kaila: The Four Season [39:41] my favourite. Actually there is this Muay Thai instructor there, I forgot his name but his Instagram handles Muay Thai Beach Bum. And I was traveling there with four other woman and half of the woman had a big crush on him. He was like the most handsome guy in the world, but he had fucking Charisma and he was like you know Swag and like able to talk things in a way that got you motivated. So I would totally recommend that if you are in [40:19] stopping by the Four Seasons and taking a session with him.

Kiki: That's amazing, and was that like it's offered through the hotel?

Kaila: I am actually not clear if you can book it if you are not staying at the hotel - probably like as a separate experience, but it comes with it I think if you are at the hotel.

Kiki: That's awesome. I love that because it's an introductory class, it gets you to understand what Muay Thai.

Kaila: And by the way, they have this gorgeous ring in Paradise in the middle of the resort.

Kiki: That's high class Muay Thai right there.

Kaila: That's more my style, that's like an hour that's good.

Kiki: That's perfect. If you want to just get your feet wet and see what's it's about you can go on a trip like that. They have some more intense ones, but I think it's good to just get like an introductory class, you don't want to go too crazy and then get injured or something like that.

Kaila: By the way we have a download for the best sober travel destination, so both of you are sober. We have a whole big collection of our recommended ones. So you can just click Below on the show notes to download it.

Kiki: Definitely download it because it is full of really, really good information. Also I said this before but I am telling you that was one of the craziest most life-changing experience, was that Escape Adventure - holy crap that was insane. When you go on a type of vacation like that you really become intimate with the group.

Kaila: And nobody was drinking on that trip obviously right?

Kiki: They were drinking slightly but not heavily. I think some of them maybe had a good amount to drink but not to where they had like major hungover.

Kaila: I can't even imagine doing that and like doing that amount of biking.

Kiki: It would be a nightmare. So Escape Adventure also offers tours in the Moab. So the Moab is seriously one of the most gorgeous and stunning Gems of the United States. You can go to the Moab in Utah, which by the way in high school it was like my dream to go to the Moab it was fucking weird.

Kaila: That's a small dream.

Kiki: I was from a small town, but the Moab, like you can go biking out there. Most people are thinking in Utah what the heck is out there. But if you see some images of the Moab it is absolutely stunning. And they have some landscape that are truly incomparable to the rest of the world. So check out Escape Adventures, you can go on like a couple's gig and get a little tan and shock it up you know, do a little romantic mountain biking Excursion if you will.



And another thing that's kind of cool is like a romantic ski trip. So you know you'll see in the movies, like everyone goes to Vail and you can get [43:21] in your fancy ski and snowboard wear. But right now I actually found some deals on going to the luxury Lake Tahoe Marriott. So it's only 118 bucks to go to a luxury Lake Tahoe Marriott. Right now if you go and check out Travel Pirate.Com that's where I found it.



Lake Tahoe is one of the best place to go and skiing. I grew up about an hour and a half away from Lake Tahoe. So you could get like the best kind of power. They even had the Olympics, the Winter Olympics in Squaw so it is gorgeous. You have got to go out there and it keeps you active, and you are not going to wait like you've got to hit the slopes super early so you are not going to be completely wasted while you go up there.

Kaila: So I hope you guys enjoy this episode, and as always it so much helps us if you subscribed and rate the Podcast. And if you love the episode or any of other episodes make sure to share it with a friend. Especially someone who might be looking into getting sober.

Kiki: And don't forget to download the top 10 best sober destinations below and we will catch you next week, bye.

AUDIO FINISH 44:29

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