In this episode, let's talk about drunk sex vs sober sex! Kaila and Kiki why sober sex is SO much better than drunk sex. In this episode they cover
- That one time one of the girls had drunk sex and threw up on a guy's (*$%%?
- Sex on E
- Why you shouldn't take ambien and have sex
- Why Kaila loves GHB
- Why sober sex is better
- Our favorite sexual wellness destination
Kaila: Key what's up guys. We are Kaila and Kiki and this is From Hell to Wellness.
Kiki: I can't get over that name. I don't know is that self-indulgent, I just really love that name?
Kaila: Well actually a lot of people don't like the name. I market tested it with my friends, and they are like I love the concept but I don't know about the name. But I was like damn it I like it so I am just going to go with it.
Kiki: My parents loved it, they were like that's a great idea.
Kaila: Well they are going to like it so much when they hear this episode.
Kiki: Shout out to Mommy and Daddy.
Kaila: This episode is all about sex.
Kiki: Maybe I should tell them about this one.
Kaila: So I just want to give a disclaimer that our whole podcast is not about sex. So this is just going to be episode, I don't want to set a president that we cannot live up to. So basically why we wanted to cover sex is because it's a major topic in kind of wellness and sobriety, and especially when you are newly sober. Having sex for the first time without being inebriated can be really daunting. And some people won't even get sober because they don't want to have sex sober. So we just kind of want to dispel the myth and kind of go just over the fact that sex can be better in a lot of ways. Actually I think sex is just better sober, because I think you are just having a lot of really strange sex when you are like inebriated or whatever, and with people that you may not otherwise choose to have sex with. So I think it's better overall.
Kiki: And in general too, sex is like a weird thing to talk about. Everyone thinks oh gosh sex, are we supposed to talk about this like is this okay. But I think it's important especially for people that are becoming sober, newly sober or they just fear that awkwardness of sex. It's important to talk about this because it's a huge thing, I mean a lot of people drink to have sex, a lot of people take drugs to have sex and to improve their performance or to improve their own experiences. So I think it's important for people who are just getting sober, or thinking about getting sober to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel and sex is fantastic without the drugs.
Kaila: But is drunk sex ever good. I mean buzz sex that's one thing, but drunk sex is just kind of gross.
Kiki: That's actually a really good question, because at UCLA there was a study released said that alcohol is actually good for sex in the sense that it lowers inhibition. However, there's not actually any proof that it actually makes sex better. It just makes you think that you are doing better. And to be fair, me as somebody who drink frequently, I mean to a crazy extent. I thought I was doing better but the reality is.
Kaila: But what does your partner say?
Kiki: Exactly, and there were times where I am telling you it was pretty bad, like I would be drunk probably during the day, and my boyfriend would come home and I would try to get it on. And I thought I was doing great and it was terrible and he was like that was the worst thing ever. And I'm like oh my God okay, I was feeling like some girl.
Kaila: You know like a sex goddess.
Kiki: Yes, and thinking like I am the girls from - what's that show called on the bars when they are standing around and they are like, you know the reality is - the ugly coyote, I think I am a Coyote Ugly and I am more just ugly but I will work it out.
Kaila: Yes, I have had an ex-boyfriend fall asleep on me during his drunken sex. And he's a big guy and I literally had a hard time getting him off of me, so don't do that.
Kiki: I have actually had my boyfriend fall asleep on me as well, it's definitely a common thing as a drunk person. And I was like is there something wrong with me but I am pretty sure alcohol just lowers your inhibiting so much that you will literally fall asleep.
Kaila: And you are like that was great when you think to yourself.
Kiki: Yes, and meanwhile you'd slept through like probably 50% of it.
Kaila: So I kind of have a different perspective on everything because I am actually not a big drinker. Alcohol like I am just your typical Asian who is allergic to alcohol, so I was never able to drink it. So I've never really had drunken sex, but I have had sex on drugs. And another perspective also again because I hate sex on drugs. So I used to do E all of the time with my ex-boyfriend, and then after we got high he'd want to have sex.
And then we'd have sex and he would be fucking kill my high, like he would get rid of it, like it would just be like I would be rolling and then we would have sex and then it would be gone by the time we were done. So I actually never want to have sex on E. And I guess I had an ex-boyfriend too who did a lot of cocaine and he said like sex on cocaine for him was crazy, where he could go all night for like 10 hours, or whatever many, many hours. And I was like that's horrifying that's my worst nightmare, I don't want to have sex for 10 hours.
Kiki: That is way too long I don't even want to do anything for 10 hours. I can barely sit on a plane sleeping for 10 hours, that seems like a lot of work.
Kaila: I think there is this misconception by guys that longer is better.
Kiki: As long as you get to the Big O I am happy. Like hey if that took 5 minutes to get there I am totally fine with that, there is no problem with that.
Kaila: Yes, it's not the longer the better. That's why I think like Viagra sucks, because then they can't even finish right, so they have to go on for hours and hours.
Kiki: Everybody's waiting and everyone's looking at their watches secretly and no one wants to say anything it's terrible I don't know why. I mean unless you really need it, like if you are at the age.
Kaila: I always thought that Viagra was the worst invention ever for like if you are a gold digger. Back in the days when you are a gold digger you could date an 80-year-old month and he couldn't get up, but now he can.
Kiki: Things got just a little trickier.
Kaila: So it's weird, like coke I guess it makes some people horny but it does not for me. I am actually much more on the sober sex. When I am high - when I used to get high because I have been sober for many years now, but I would never want to have sex because I was much more addicted to the high and I feel like the sex would get in the way of my high basically. But actually I just thought of something, GHB. Oh my God so I used to hang out with these guy friend of mine, and like I think we would be doing E and they would be like take this GSB take it. And I was like this is awkward just me and like Five Guys right, but nothing never happened. Luckily because one of the guys was like my - I am not Korean but he was like my [7:11] or whatever but like it could have been a bad situation I would say.
Kiki: Were you the only one taking the G?
Kaila: No, everybody was drinking it. But I would say that I loved G. Is that horrible to say?
Kiki: That's intense, I mean GHB is like the drinking drug, holy mackerel.
Kaila: Yes, but like if you just drink a little bit everything becomes hilarious. And then you kind of get a little bit horny I guess, which is I guess why people use them for that purpose and it's like very, very cheap so it's a cheap high. So I guess that's one of the things I missed from the days of drugging.
Kiki: It's weird because I don't know, it's an interesting thing that you said about things get in the way, like sex getting in the way of your actual High experience. Because when I was drunk, I wasn't really super, super horny either. I was really focused on drinking as much as possible, like I wanted to know when, like my glass is half empty or how far it is empty and how much time I need to get to the bar to get the next drink, or who am I going to ask to get me another drink. It was always focused on how much alcohol you can consume and not necessarily on the sex part.
Kaila: Yes, and like who is paying attention to sex. I am like looking at my like coke or whatever pile and be like it's shrinking it's shrinking, is my dealer going to be around at like 5 a.m. Like who cares about sex.
Kiki: Also another thing that happens because like for some inexplicable reason, I don't know if this happens with the drugs too. But I felt like I could drink a lot, and I wanted to prove to everyone that I could drink a lot, or if I was hanging out with guys they could literally drink a lot and I would keep up with them. So ultimately what happen is I just got really, really messed up really quick, so a lot of my nights were just a bunch of blur. So I can't even imagine me like wanting to have sex in the moment of trying to get more alcohol, but I guess towards the end of the night when things get hot and steamy there it is. But never did I ever recall this moment where it was super fantastic and I will never forget it being wasted.
Kaila: Yes, I've never had a great sex experience on drugs or alcohol.
Kiki: Yes, but I did have some terrible ones and I would love to share with you one. Okay one time I drink so much - Jamison by the way everybody used to know about me. And so I drink like me and whoever I was with. I drink like a half of Jameson bottle each, so we were blasting into outer space on this alcohol.
And like okay let's just talk about this for all of the ladies out there. Giving head, it's like a power-play thing but simultaneously it sucks. It's like yes I want to be able to give really good head, but I also hate it at the same time, and especially when you are drunk because everyone is falling asleep where it's really sloppy and nobody is really focused on getting it done you know it's a sideshow basically. So meanwhile I am like drunk and I am wasted and I am trying to like continue give this head, but then I am like wait this is like really, really not good. And suddenly I got this overwhelming sensation of nausea and I was like this cannot be happening right now. And in within 2 minutes’ seconds of thinking this cannot be happening right now I completely regurgitated all over this poor fellow. That was the reality of it.
Kaila: What did he say?
Kiki: Unfortunately, hopefully he was sleeping. I honestly do not really remember, it's just like awkward like oh it's okay you are going to be fine.
Kaila: Like if somebody was eating you and they just threw up.
Kiki: Can you imagine, it is fine everything is great, I love it this is what I wanted this is what we really wanted.
Kaila: Some people are into that.
Kiki: Some people are into some weird, weird stuff. But like hey add more power to you whatever gets you off as long as it doesn't hurt anybody.
Kaila: No, I don't think it's okay, frankly that's weird.
Kiki: Well at least we know [11:30] anytime soon so guys out there stay away remember that.
Kaila: I am pretty vanilla in my sexual taste.
Kiki: But like even though you are drunk or you are high or whatever you are, you are inebriated in a sentence and your perception of reality is completely ruined. And your experiences themselves, you would think that they are something but they really aren't, and I think that's the key to when you get sober and you understand the actual, like what's actually happening and you understand reality a bit more, and coming to that realization makes you almost like not want to be that [12:13].
Kaila: Yes, I remember some nights I would be doing E or coke with like my college friends or something, or not even friends they were often strangers - because you are doing drugs like you will do drugs with anybody I don't care if you have drugs I will do it with you. But like you would have these deep bonding conversations, like wow we really connect like we're going to be friends for life, and then the next day you see them and it's all awkward and it's like absolutely no bond except the cocaine like that's the bond.
Kiki: That's actually really true, remember when we were on tour and I like got wasted beyond belief, it was at an anime convention.
Kaila: Oh when you got into the fight with the guy?
Kiki: Yes, we did like this full-on blasted and started spurring.
Kaila: He was drunk too?
Kiki: He was wasted, we were all wasted, and like it wasn't like an aggressive mean thing. It was like oh I know karate okay you know karate, except I did not know karate at the time and it was terrible. I woke up the next day completely bruised up and we had a show the next day too and I had bruises everywhere. But yes, and then I thought we are going to be - this guy is going to be you know we are going to be like fighting buddies or something. But I saw him in the elevator and the next day I wanted to never look into his eyes ever again. I don't know why it wasn't even like a sexy thing it was just like wow and then it was really awkward.
Kaila: Was he in his costume?
Kiki: No not in the costume the next day.
Kaila: Well you see, he might have only been confident in character. So when you are seeing him unmask it would have been like Clark Kent and Superman, or it could have just been the awkwardness, that too is definitely a factor. Well the one tip that I have for you is to not take Ambien and have sex, because I have done some strange things on Ambien I mean I can't tell you because I don't remember them, but I have been told afterwards that one time - this isn't a sexual story but it's still an interesting story.
So the thing is when you take Ambien and it starts to hit, go to sleep like do not stay up that's when things get weird. So I think I was doing coke all night and then I took some Ambien obviously just to go to sleep, but I did not go to sleep and I stayed up for some reason and then I was like in the room with two of my friends, and I thought I was in the recording studio with Embryo, he's our old producer. I thought I was in the studio with him. I don't remember this at all they were telling me this. But I would like sing a couple lines and be like I can't hear myself in the headphones like turn the mic on the mic is off.
Kiki: And they're like what are you doing?
Kaila: Yes, I did that for a while and then I went to the imaginary drawer and I was just going like this and there was no drawer, and they are like what are you doing and I was like oh I am just organizing my clothing.
Kiki: That is amazing, I remember you calling me once on the Ambien, and this was before when I was in college I was still pretty new to the whole Hollywood scene. And Kaila and called me and it's like oh weird it's 2 a.m. why are you calling me. So I answered and there was no cohesion nothing bad nothing just talking of things.
Kaila: And I am not much of a talker, like it may not seem like this now on this podcast, but in life I am not much of a talker.
Kiki: Yes, but you were just going and going and going and I was like what's happening, and you are like okay bye and I was like bye, and I am like I don't know what just happened
Kaila: I wish you remembered something that I talked about.
Kiki: I think you said something, I don't know it was like a series of like complete sentence going, going, going. There was something about like, I don't even know I honestly don't even remember I can't remember, but it was like blah, blah, blah okay bye. I was like okay bye-bye.
Kaila: So did you have sex I guess before you start drinking?
Kiki: That's a good question. So I started drinking pretty young. I remember when I had my first drink, I snuck out of the house I was 14 years old. It was a pretty bad scenario for me, but I guess I did I guess like I had a boyfriend in high school, but it was just like I could barely remember and I wasn't really drinking that much in high school - but I guess like after I started drinking heavily in college it was probably when I started having a lot more sex than I did in high school. So most of my sex was being drunk for sure.
Kaila: Well not sex-related, but we should definitely delve into why we got sober, I think that's definitely something that people would be curious about, or want to know for themselves if they are thinking about getting sober. But I was not actually like a daily drug user. I think at the end when I finally decided to quit, I was only doing or partying on the holidays. So like New Year’s or somebody's party or something. So it's literally like six seven or eight times a year or something, not even once a month. But I was miserable in my life.
Okay the thing is, like we read this article recently and sobriety isn't a wellness trend, because that can be, well it can be if you just want to, you don't have a problem with alcohol or drugs and you want to get sober just the lifestyle choice that's totally fine. But if you are a real addict like me, then you have to get sober and also still have like a spiritual program. Which is what I was missing in my life which is why I was miserable, so yes I just got sober because I was miserable.
Kiki: Was it a hard process for you, like did you - was it something that you just decided one day that it's going to happen, or did you try multiple times?
Kaila: Well I had cut down significantly, so I already knew that, also there's the whole thing that it's not cute when you are doing drugs after a certain age so I knew that my time was coming up. But I think once I made the decision it was final, and in transparency I can't talk to this too much because of anonymity, but I am in the beverage program so that I would recommend to anyone who is having problems getting sober.
Kiki: It's interesting, I actually remember you took me to my first AA meeting.
Kaila: And then I got like ask to be the leader and I was at the podium reading do you remember?
Kiki: I was hammered, I was completely hammered and we went. But honestly that was like a first trigger for me for sure. I wasn't really, really - it was actually a really good thing that happened even though I ended up not doing the program, because I started to realize and I was like wow I need like this is real, like I realize now I have got to start thinking about getting sober.
It took me about a year after that to get sober again but it was definitely a first step. But for me it's different I was partying all of the time, 5-6 days of the week, and the problem with it was that it was always justify because we could actually function and do it. There were no issues with getting work done or missing things, like we were always on schedule with our life, and that made it even more justifiable and more difficult to leave, but I think after I found something, that was like kickboxing basically - we just decided hey let's start kick boxing, and then because kickboxing was like 9 hours of training there was just no time to actually.
Kaila: You guys found kickboxing before you got sober?
Kiki: Before, it was a couple weeks before we got sober, and then we were training, training, training and we are like wait a second we cannot afford to get hungover, and the only times we can go train are on the weekend. So it ended up, or like the weekends for us which is like Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday is a little different, but anyway it's saved Our Lives essentially and now that is kind of where our spiritual guiding us.
Kaila: Yes, we kind of talked about this because people are - I meditate daily as much as I can on schedule. But people are intimidated by meditation, and exercise is actually a form of meditation it can be if you clear your mind so that totally makes sense. So what is sex like now? So basically sex before I got sober I was always performing, and when you are like as a woman, I guess you are kind of taught like as a male it's acceptable to like jerk off or whatever, everybody knows they are doing it and then porn is all male focus.
And it's like I actually think porn is horrible for society, because when you go on to like whatever porn website, there is like just a lot of violence towards women and it's like unrealistic of what real sex is or what females enjoy, which is not all of that stuff. But anyway my whole I guess 20s was all about performing for my partner. So it's very hard having sex being enjoyable when you are like trying to do a performance because you are not paying attention to yourself at all.
So only upon getting sober have I been able to pay attention to my wants and my needs, and just kind of be able to ask for that which I think is so important during sex and woman just aren't taught to do that, like really sex is. Okay here is one thing I want to question for all of you ladies out there. Like when you are masturbating or whatever, like no girl sits there and makes a bunch of noises when they masturbate right? Maybe there are some that do because they do on pornos.
Kiki: I am seen a masturbation compilation once and I was like this is such a joke, like it's a joke. It's a parody of what reality is, and then unfortunately like guys at a young age just start watching these pornography sites, and they have these perceptions that's reality and they have the expectations sometime. And then for a woman to live up to that, because woman - you are right the Society, it's not told that women it's okay to masturbate. I mean a little bit more of these days now.
But it's like weird it's like you are supposed to be like this pure person, and you are supposed to not think about bad thoughts and all of this BS. And then what happens is you have a male-dominated porn like industry, and then there is never any like real actual representation of what sex is, and it just becomes completely convoluted. So I can imagine that having sober sex there is a lot of pressure on these females especially.
And I can totally agree with the 20s thing, like I remember from my very young age to probably in my later 20s. I was still trying to figure out what I was supposed to do, and it's like a fucking weird thing because you are like who do I talk to about this, how do I know if I am doing good, like am I doing the right thing - I know if I just drink this alcohol it's going to be better and I am not going to think about it.
Kaila: Well I think the thing is, like my question is, if nobody was caring about what the guy thinks. Would girls be making so much noise during sex?
Kiki: Definitely not. I think the noise is supposed to be for the guy.
Kaila: It's for the guy.
Kiki: Unless it gets really crazy and then it's like wow, then yes maybe some noise is allowed. But I think the noise is like contrived almost you know - I will never get over that [24:24] I will say like what the fuck is this it's almost laughable you know. The only thing about sober sex is like let's just admit, it is really, really scary and especially the first time that you have sex sober. You have this sort of crotch with you all of the time, which is using any type of drugs or alcohol.
And then suddenly everything becomes more aware, and that you feel everything and you see everything, you smell everything and you hear everything. It becomes very, very real, but a lot of people are scared of that harsh reality but simultaneously you can actually embrace it. And I think that's why sober sex is even better because it becomes more of like an emotional kind of thing. I feel like for me alcohol sex was like pure physical, but now like with sober sex I am like oh shit, like I can think and there is so much more like going on that's involved that's beyond just physical.
Kaila: Yes, I think there is like a lot to think about, because I think back when I was performing or whatever. I was having orgasm all over the place quote on quote, sorry ex-boyfriends but I have never had an orgasm purely off intercourse alone. Although you may have think that or you may think that I've had many. But not for every girl, I think that most guys I mean you don't really want to tell the guy that because it's not really their fault it's like an anatomical thing, but I think when you get sober you realize that a woman needs kind of other forms of stimulation. And what really like is bad for me is that I don't like it when a guy goes down on me, I hate it.
Kiki: The same, and it's so funny because I feel almost left out when you hear these sex talks and the ladies are like. Ladies if your man doesn't go down on you, you should break up with him. I am like I rather that it didn't happen actually because it feels like a dog or something licking you, like get away.
Kaila: I have had several ex-boyfriends who are like I love going down [26:36] I am just not into it I don't know, but that might be just us not fully comfortable, because I feel like the woman who are enjoy are maybe 100% free and comfortable with their bodies. Because to be read when somebody is down there and I am thinking like well what do I do, do I do nothing. And I know it takes me awhile, so then I am like I don't want him to be down there forever, and then you have all this pressure to come or whatever so there is a lot.
Kiki: And I think that's like interesting too, it would be interesting for you guys to comment as well, like from the guy's perspective, and I know that a lot of the times females we have a lot of pressure to perform, but males have a lot of pressure to perform as well, and you know all males perform differently and there is probably a lot of weird stuff going on as well in their minds.
But I think like being sober and being present, so there is also another really interesting part about sober sex, and it's that you really know and you are comfortable with telling what you don't want. And I think that was the biggest part, like when I was always drunk I always thought I had to be this type of person, or I have to be this girl, I have to be able to do this and I have to be able to do that. And then now I am like not like that I don't have time for that. I know what I want and I am not going to waste my time because that doesn't serve me.
Kaila: Okay now, I have another question for other ladies who like it when guys go down, but like I have watched a porno or two and the guy is like going all crazy down there, and I am like no girl likes this do they, like it should be soft and gentle, like no one wants like, no girl wants that.
Kiki: Fully agree, like there's so much garbage that's out on porn. Men if you are watching porn, there's nothing wrong with watching porn, but I honestly really hope that you have no expectation of porn to be your reality of sex it's just not, and if girls are doing that.
Kaila: They probably are because there is a generation of girls grow up watching porn so they, you know our generation, my generation we didn't have porn on the internet that was widely available. So we actually maybe had an idea of what sex was from the movies, which is more soft and gentle, but like this generation and every generation from there on now is going to watch this hard-core porn. So girls may be performing like that nowadays who knows.
Kiki: That is actually interesting. I know that we are not sex expert or anything, but that's actually a really interesting point I never thought of. And it's interesting too, like you really see this even newer generation that's coming out with like IG, and there is a lot more like exposed like sexy dancing is okay. So it's interesting to see like I wonder what that whole new generation like perception on sex is. Is it different or is it the same or is it more intense?
Kaila: Well there has actually been a study that came out a couple of years ago on some - like a lot of guys of this generation can't have regular sex, because they are so used to porno sex, and in real sex girls don't all look like that, they don't all look perfect and they don't implant. And when they see a real woman they are like wow and they can't get it up or whatever.
Kiki: That would be very, very concerning, and for the rest of their life they would never be able to. I am telling you porn is not good for you.
Kaila: Porn is not good, and I mean not to go off on a whole different issue, but I feel like girls who are under 21 should not be allowed to film and that are another story. So basically how to have sexual wetness? You are sober now and you are ready to embrace your body and have all of the good feelings in your body, so how?
Well I read this fun article recently about kind of the Asian tourism, not tourism but Asian Sex Market. Because you know in Asia sex is very repressed and really women are still probably like 20 years behind us or whatever. But over there they are coming out with a lot of sex shops that are very cute and very like, you know because the sex shops there 5 years ago was like the scariest sex shops, you wouldn't want to go in there or like you would be embarrassed to go in there, but just like we have Hustler Hollywood like girls go in there and to find it's cute and it's pink.
So sex is just becoming more I guess available, but I feel like Sexual Wellness is just a matter of experimentation. So experimenting with different vibrators or whatever, or with your partner trying different things and being open to each other different I guess, not shaming each other for your whatever - unless you throw up on me well then I won't shame you for that.
Kiki: fortunately, [31:35] so hopefully he forgot, but I don't know how he could recover from something like that that's pretty drastic. I know that if I was thrown up on I would be scarred for life probably
Kaila: Unless you are so drunk that you don't remember it.
Kiki: That's what I am thinking on. Like I said before, the best part about now it's your newly sober. And you are trying to have sex that's better and approving and you don't want to get all of the nerves and like all of the jitters from having sober sex. I think the most important part is to understand that don't expect that porn sex, don't expect that super physical you know lustful type of sex.
Think of sex as something that's a little bit different, that's a little bit more spiritual and that's more emotional and that's more connected. And then understand that you can find different types of joy from sex then like that super thought of sex literally. And also be understanding of what you want and understand that it's okay to tell your partner what you want and what you don't want. And having that sober mentality and that clarity, it should help guide you what you truly want and what you are okay with.
And experiment with that and talk with your partner, be vocal and really just have a conversation with them, because people are all weirded out about having conversations about sex, and the truth is you shouldn't be weirded out it's a completely normal thing, almost everybody does it and it should be okay to be discussed - and honestly, okay wait I have to ask you. Have your sensations been increased as you were sober?
Kaila: Yes, definitely because you are not like muted with this other crazy sensation going on.
Kiki: And you can remember it more and everything like that. And then also I don't know if you guys have heard about it, but they have this Tantra Wellness retreats. If you want to get real freaky and real and like really like tap into your spirituality and your sexuality. Tantra wellness retreats are the [33:30].
Kaila: Or they are like trending, but where do they place?
Kiki: So actually these Tantra Wellness Resorts are actually trending, and there is a couple that you can go to in Mexico. And apparently they are really, really [33:44]. I just read some of the reviews and there is a guy that's been there 30 times of his life, and he says that he will claim to go another 30 times if he can. So you know you never know what you can [33:54]
Kaila: I don't know that seems like a sex addict there.
Kiki: He may have a little bit of that, he might need to listen to this podcast. But there's different ways that you can experiment you know with your partner or if you want to Solo or whatever, and try to change your perspective on sex and make it more spirituality.
Kaila: And I also wanted to mention because we are covering a lot of drugs and alcohol. But sobriety means from any kind of addictions. So you can apply this to gambling to smoking, to sex or even dating or whatever pluther of things that you might be addicted to, so that can be very relevant to you too. So we just kind of want to give some tips for that first time you have sober sex. What to expect and what to do.
Well I think first of all expect a lot more intimacy, which is great I mean if you are in a committed relationship or you are getting to know somebody new, or even if you are having a one night stand it might be fun to just kind of connect with your partner a little bit more. And one really good by product is that I don't think you will be making as many stupid decisions as you are sober.
No sleeping with who you don't want to. I mean I remember there is this one time I was doing E and I was hanging out with this guy and then we just connected, and he was not normally my type. So we hung out all night and I was just really attracted to him, and luckily we didn't have sex because we were on E, sometimes guys can't have sex on E - not his fault necessary but when I woke up I was like what the [35:51] but it's like you don't have these kinds of regrets when you are sober because you are not like.
I mean they don't call it beer goggles for a reason right, literally you are attracted to people when you wake up and you are like what the hell. So nights of no regret is what is expected with sober sex. Also I feel like people use sex to kind of get self-worth, like a guy might sleep with a bunch of women to feel good about himself. The same with a woman, she might feel that a guy is attracted to her or whatever. You do that less when you are sober because you are not having kind of that feeling to impress or whatever when you are drunk
Kaila: One thing that's good is that the sensation you mention before are intense, and usually intense things during sex are good.
Kiki: Definitely. I honestly can say that I think because I am, like the sensations are more intense and you are more open to telling your partner like what you don't want to do. Because you feel that Clarity of oh that's not going to happen, versus before. But then like you get better orgasms and you are able to tell this person no that's not where to go that's where to go, and ultimately it's just better overall.
Kaila: I feel like you just gained a lot more self-respect, because when you asked for what you want and what you need, if you are not making poor decisions and if you are not regretting everything the next morning, you gain more self-respect, and as you have more self-respect the sex gets better and better.
Kiki: So overall I think if you guys are thinking about getting sober, or you are still drinking and you just want to have better sex and you want to figure it out. You know maybe take a little time to try a little bit of sober sex and see if that's something for you, and make an effort towards it and try to change your perspective a little, because sex is all - I mean it's 20% physical and 80% is in your head. So if you can change your perspective and see it in a different way and experience it mentally in a different way. You can maybe have a better overall health and wellness from sex and have a New Perspective and gain from it.
Kaila: So go and have a bunch of sober sex and come tell us all about it.
Kiki: So if you have any interesting stories about your sober sex experience, please feel free to share it in the comments below. We would love to hear what you thought of this podcast episode. Shoot us an email, we respond to every single email that we get. And we would love to hear your feedback on what we should talk about as well.
Kaila: And if you want to get the next episodes directly into your podcast feed, make sure to subscribe
Kiki: Alright guys, this is the conclusion of our first episode of From Health to Wellness, and we will catch you later.